Money, marriage, budgets...

Experts cite the number one cause for marital divide as money, well we believe it. Mastering money in a relationship is the ultimate victory and because it is - and forever will be - such a big part of compromise and decision making I have been wanting to write about it. I am motivated to do so now because we are in one of those periods of transition that seems to highlight the woes of budgeting and cash management.

Our decision as a couple when we got hitched was to pool all of our finances and do things together as opposed to having separate checking accounts, credit cards, etc. It has been a good decision for us, but not free from conflict I'll tell ya! By nature, I am more of a spender. I am not reckless with money but I believe that if you are saving in line with your goals and paying your bills that you should not feel guilty about a new pair of shoes or a new CD. Elliott on the other hand, is more of a saver and the most frugal person I have ever known. This makes for an interesting dynamic. Add in that when we got married we took advantage of credit card rewards and charged all expenses and paid off the card at the end of each month. Now, we never carried a balance or had a problem but E's nature is so meticulous that he was checking the credit card web site every day, MULTIPLE times a day. He was driving both himself and his wife absolutely NUTS.

I was venting about this with a trusted friend and she encouraged us to try a weekly budget that has worked well for her and her hubby. The plan sets a number for each week and every Sunday we go and pull out cash money for the week. E gets some, I get some, and "we" get some (for groceries). Now we still argue about whether or not gas should be included in the amount... it shouldn't because gas in our vehicles is out of control expensive but E disagrees (see the money woes never end). This plan has been a God send. E only has to monitor his wallet, and I mine. It is glorious. Well almost.

Larger expenses come up from time to time, trips and above a beyond purchases. Still within the realm of our ability to spend- these things continue to cause us heartburn but I guess always will. These other expenses we have deemed the "slush fund" purchases but we are still not quite on the same page as to how much those should account for each month. We came to this realization over a heated discussion with two excellent "mediators" (thank you Lauren and Keith). Since that discussion we have realized where our issues are and that we view different budget lines (and descriptions) differently. We're getting there and we hope that us acknowledging these issues helps others to get through these discussions as well. We owe Lauren and Keith a huge thanks for their patience and perspective during our counseling session- checks in the mail- we appreciate having such close friends that we can have open and honest dialogue with!

Needless to say budgeting has been the biggest lesson for us in marriage. How do we come to the management of our finances together and in a way that for two people with different approaches, we both feel good about what we're doing? And how does that also transfer into other times when compromise and understanding is needed? We may never fully get there but at the very least we approach these conversations with mutual respect and understanding, good humor, a little healthy argument and a level head.

This post may have been boring for ya'll but this blog is a journal and I want to be able to look back at our joys and struggles, as well as where our perspective is and how it changes over time.

As for the past week, we have both had a productive one. E is feeling more settled at work and really enjoying his job. I had two great conversations this week helping to provide good connections for the job hunt. Hopefully an opportunity will be around the corner! We are more than ready for the house hunt to begin! Love to all.

PS Happy birthday to my dear friend and patient therapist and "mediator," Lauren Elliott! I love you!